Let go, forgive, and be free

August 24th 2017  |   in Life   |   8 min. read

Photo by Alistair Dent

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Lao Tzu

I was watching an episode of The Flash, in which Berry Allan had to accept his mother’s death in order to be free, and I got really inspired. He kept saying that his mother’s death was the reason we has running, but it was actually the reason he was not running fast enough. In order to become his best version of himself, he had to accept that his mother’s death was not his fault, although he had the chance to save her, but he chose not to.

We all have our inner chains lock since our childhood. Childhood is the period of our lives which decides whether we become good or bad, strong or weak. Strong people are those who suffer during childhood, because that suffering stimulate their character growth, but with a cost. Also, childhood suffering is the reason why so many people become evil, if there is no one around to show them affection and love.

Childhood pain gives us a kick in the but to fly, gives us wings, but also puts an anchor on our neck so that we can’t fly to high. The only way to break free - let go - of that anchor is to forgive ourselves and accept who we are.

Never be ashamed of who you are. Be proud of yourself, no matter what. You can’t change what happened, you can’t change what you have done. The only think what you can change is what you are doing now and what you’re going to do from now one. You are who you are and you can’t change what you have become, only what you will become from now on.

I had a painful childhood and I have always blamed my parents and myself for not having a comfortable life like the rest of my colleagues and friends had. But you know what? That wouldn’t have been beneficial for me.

All that I have become is due to my entire life experience and I am proud of what I have become. All my achievements wouldn’t have been possible without my painful childhood. Compared to the nowadays children, teenagers, and youth, I got used with the word “NO!”.

“May I have that toy?”

“No! It’s too expensive! We can’t afford it!”

“May I have that bike?”

“No! It’s too expensive! We can’t afford it!”

“May I have a computer?”

“No! It’s too expensive! We can’t afford it!”

“May I have those clothes?”

“No! They’re too expensive! We can’t afford them!”

“May I have 200RON ($50) to prepare my food for the whole week?”

“How much? No! You’re eating too expensive! We don’t have that much money!”

I got it! My parents - my father mostly - did not have the money. Actually, if they would have gave up smoking and drinking for the love of their son they would have had enough money. This was actually my frustration. They did not have the money I sometimes really needed for food and clothes, but they had the money to smoke 3 packages of cigarettes per day and buy alcoholic beverages or anything they did not need, only desire. That lack of parental sacrifice was my disappointment.

I was angry on my mother, because she left me and she had enough money on her own to buy me an apartment so that now I wouldn’t have been needed to pay rent or may a bank load to buy my own house. I was angry on my father, because he did not give up smoking to save money for my future or to, at least, give me the money I needed for school, food, and clothes. I was also angry at him, because of his desire for women that made him get married again and have a new child.

Back then, I was sad, angry, and had a big rage inside, but now, I am glad that happened, because it gave me determination. It made me want to no longer depend on nobody but myself. I had realized I can’t put my trust on my parents so I had to make a decision for myself. Thus, now I am independent and everything I have is because of my own work. I can do anything and learn to do anything and I am not afraid of hard work. I am disciplined!

Yes, it would have been easier for my mother and father to give me everything, but that would have turned me into a spoiled brat who wouldn’t have appreciated anything. The only way to appreciate what you have is by feeling on your own skin the sweat, hard-work, and dedication required to obtain it.

Every day I kept inside a huge anger on the children who had everything and did not appreciate everything. I also had an anger on my parents. I realized recently that anger was actually on my self. I mean, I have everything I ever wanted: I am fit, I am healthy, I live alone in an amazing apartment, I have a well paid job with amazing colleagues, I can afford anything I want, I can do anything I want and when I want on my own, so why still angry? Because I am afraid!

I am afraid that if I lose what I have there is no one who could help me. I don’t have enough trust in my strength and capabilities, hence, don’t have enough faith in God. I still have that energy boost inside my veins of keep pushing, keep doing. Like Berry Allan, I am still running out of frustration, pain, and anger. The truth is, I no longer have to.

I escaped from that insecurity of the past and should focus on my life now, on embracing what I have become, and focusing on what I have and my passions. Most of all, now I have all the time and focus to pursue my dream: inspire people.

I forgive my mother for what she had mistaken. She gave birth to me and raised me on her own the first months of my life, when my father left on duty.
I forgive my father for what he had mistaken. He raised me on his own after divorce and was there for me whenever I needed a capable, smart, strong, and experienced man.
I forgive myself for all the pain I have kept within and hurt me for inside out. It’s not my fault and I deserve everything I have and my parents and family are proud of me and love me forever.

So why the anger? Why the frustration? Why the resistance?

Let go! You are free now. Stop punishing and hurting yourself. You deserve the best of this Universe, but you cannot receive it with those locks on. Break free of those locks and embrace your full potential. You have become you best self you could have ever been! Love yourself like you deserve to be loved and like no one can! Only you can do that!

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